Thread: Conservatives proven better than Liberals in every way

Today really smart people who know everything announced that the results of a study they sponsored have found that Conservatives are better, they are smarter, take better care of themselves and as a result are better looking when they come to Church, are more responsible, are better at their jobs, pay taxes more acuratly using HR Block less, and have pets that bark less and have fewer fleas, are more likely to have a plasma tv 42" or larger, they change the oil in their car more often, they also have perfect children even after puberty who come home in their school uniforms and do their homework before dinner and stay virgins till Mom and Dad say it's ok.

Conservatives have never broken the law and have never received parking tickets that were not caused by Liberals in some way. If a Conservative has ever been made uncomfortable or feels a jabbing pain in any way, it's because some Liberal Angel gots their wings. Which brings me to the Conservative/Liberal Angel qualification ratio. 99 out of 100 Liberals are demons and go to hell. 99 out of 100 Conservatives are good Christians who go to Heavan, the last of the 100 who goes to hell was corrupted by some Liberal Jezzabel.

At any rate, the really smart people wanted us at PH to know that Conservatives are better in any way so we wouldn't have to be annoyed to suffer through any more foundationless minor generalizations that become threads.

I for one love that idea.

I don't know if I qualify as a "conservative", but I have been told by numerous people that I'm not always right. But these people are usually wrong, which dramatically increases the probability that I am always right.

Does the study say anything about libertarians?

-Dr House

Originally Posted by Burning Giraffe

I don't know if I qualify as a "conservative", but I have been told by numerous people that I'm not always right. But these people are usually wrong, which dramatically increases the probability that I am always right.

Damit Giraffe you've baffled me with your Hannibal Lechter intellect, as a Liberal I can't handle such grey areas....the only explaination I can offer is that all those people who told you you're not right....are Liberals, if they're not Liberals they're just wrong. And if you're not sure if you're a "conservative" it's probably like being an alchoholic, if your not sure you almost alway are.

Originally Posted by Dr House

Does the study say anything about libertarians?

-Dr House

Hello Dr House, Libertarians all need an MRI's, because it's probably Lupis. However, Libertarians are smarter than Liberals in everyway as long as they've been Conservatives at one point in the last 10 years and don't actualy have Lupis. It's all about Conservatism being the fountain of knowlege and youth and smarterness. Conservatives are so smart they even know why monkeys scream when they have sex.

You mean I can't post at tighty whitey anymore. Damn it I might as well stop posting period. Nah!

Originally Posted by Goldwater

Damit Giraffe you've baffled me with your Hannibal Lechter intellect, as a Liberal I can't handle such grey areas....the only explaination I can offer is that all those people who told you you're not right....are Liberals, if they're not Liberals they're just wrong. And if you're not sure if you're a "conservative" it's probably like being an alchoholic, if your not sure you almost alway are.

Well, that is a shame, as such a proposition would seriously decrease the probability of my infallibility. Yet another failure I'm afraid, as in order to prove my infallibility I tried to demonstrate that I always agreed with The Pope. But I could not keep up the charade.