A new Bible for Conservatives

**caffeine** · 6th October 2009 02:30 AM

Here's a little amusing tidbit for you this morning. The same people who helped to collate all sorts of ideological misinformation together into Conservapedia for us have now decided it's their duty to rewrite the Bible so as to remove liberal bias. Their methods include:

Changing words judged to be too liberal or socialist, such as 'comrade', 'labourer' and 'fellow'.

Arbitrarily declaring bits they disagree with to be liberal interpolations and not part of the word of God - for example the phrase 'Forgive them father, they know not what they do.'

Emphasising the importance of the pro-free market parables, whatever these may turn out to be.

Conservapedia seems to be down right now for some reason, but you can read a bit about the project here on the blog of a more sane conservative.

**Blueneck** · 6th October 2009 01:27 PM

I was just getting ready to post this!

Here's their criteria:

As of 2009, there is no fully conservative translation of the Bible which satisfies the following ten guidelines:[2]

1.Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias

2.Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity

3.Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level[3]

4.Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms as they develop;[4] defective translations use the word "comrade" three times as often as "volunteer"; similarly, updating words which have a change in meaning, such as "word", "peace", and "miracle".

5.Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction by using modern terms for it, such as "gamble" rather than "cast lots";[5] using modern political terms, such as "register" rather than "enroll" for the census

6.Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.

7.Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning

8.Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story

9.Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels

10.Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities; prefer concise, consistent use of the word "Lord" rather than "Jehovah" or "Yahweh" or "Lord God."

Thus, a project has begun among members of Conservapedia to translate the Bible in accordance with these principles.

http://conservapedia.com/Conservative_Bible_Project

And here it is (sort of):

http://conservapedia.com/Conservative_Bible

They haven't seemed to have gotten much done yet.

**Dr.Knuckles** · 6th October 2009 02:07 PM

Thank you for informing me of the existance of conservapedia. I've never heard of it before. I can't wait to check it out.

I'm sure the hell not going to do it from work... I'm risking my career by coming here... but my evening schedule has just been set. I can't wait.

**Bluegrass** · 7th October 2009 07:58 AM

This is really nothing new. The Bible has always been used for political agendas.

Between this and Creationists releasing their own "version" of Darwin's Origin of Species, it appears they are reacting to something.

It's no coincidence that less Americans now consider themselves "Christian", and now we are seeing these kinds of things happening.

**Gypsy** · 7th October 2009 03:27 PM

So the 'word of God' isn't good enough anymore? Hmmmmm WWJD?

**Mare Tranquillity** · 7th October 2009 10:14 PM

[quote name='Gypsy' date='07 October 2009 - 02:27 PM' timestamp='1254950873' post='34075']

So the 'word of God' isn't good enough anymore? Hmmmmm WWJD?

[/quote]

Of course it's not, God isn't conservative enough. Just think about that camel and the eye of the needle thing about how hard it is for a rich man to get into Heaven, we can't be coming down on rich folks like that. And worse yet are the nearly two thousand admonitions to care for the poor, sick, and unfortunate, how can we make money that way? Jesus obviously said a lot of dumb stuff, like "love others as yourself"? What's with that? Right there you outlaw preemptive war and the sale of cigarettes and napalm. WAS JESUS A COMMIE?

**Gypsy** · 8th October 2009 02:31 AM

[quote name='Mare Tranquillity' date='07 October 2009 - 11:14 PM' timestamp='1254975253' post='34220']

Of course it's not, God isn't conservative enough. Just think about that camel and the eye of the needle thing about how hard it is for a rich man to get into Heaven, we can't be coming down on rich folks like that. And worse yet are the nearly two thousand admonitions to care for the poor, sick, and unfortunate, how can we make money that way? Jesus obviously said a lot of dumb stuff, like "love others as yourself"? What's with that? Right there you outlaw preemptive war and the sale of cigarettes and napalm. WAS JESUS A COMMIE?

[/quote]

Let's look at this. Jesus was an unemployed carpenter so he must have been a drain on society. Jesus hung out with riff raff so he must be a criminal. Jesus healed the sick and comforted the poor so he must have been a socialist. Jesus was not from the United States and he was from the Middle East so he had to have been a terrorist. He never married so he must have been homosexual. Oh and he had people calling him the Messiah so he must have been Barack Obama.

**Heel31ok** · 8th October 2009 11:20 AM

[quote name='Bluegrass' date='07 October 2009 - 09:58 AM' timestamp='1254923903' post='33944']

This is really nothing new. The Bible has always been used for political agendas.

Between this and Creationists releasing their own "version" of Darwin's Origin of Species, it appears they are reacting to something.

It's no coincidence that less Americans now consider themselves "Christian", and now we are seeing these kinds of things happening.

[/quote]

now you know and I know the part about Darwin is not true as they did not re write their own version.

Also the it is patently false that the Bible has always been used for political purposes.

**boontito** · 8th October 2009 11:57 AM

[quote name='Blueneck' date='06 October 2009 - 12:27 PM' timestamp='1254857223' post='33610']

I was just getting ready to post this!

Here's their criteria:

http://conservapedia.com/Conservative_Bible_Project

And here it is (sort of):

http://conservapedia.com/Conservative_Bible

They haven't seemed to have gotten much done yet.

[/quote]

I don't want to spoil the ending for anyone, but in this version of the bible Jesus condemns a public health care option.

**Blueneck** · 8th October 2009 12:05 PM

[quote name='Gypsy' date='08 October 2009 - 04:31 AM' timestamp='1254990705' post='34244']

Let's look at this. Jesus was an unemployed carpenter so he must have been a drain on society. Jesus hung out with riff raff so he must be a criminal. Jesus healed the sick and comforted the poor so he must have been a socialist. Jesus was not from the United States and he was from the Middle East so he had to have been a terrorist. He never married so he must have been homosexual. Oh and he had people calling him the Messiah so he must have been Barack Obama.

[/quote]

+1 Great post!