Baching It

**Devil505** · 13th February 2012 05:50 AM

My wife went to Florida for 2 weeks last Thursday to help her 87 year old mother who has a bad heart.
I'm therefore "Fending" here for 2 weeks by myself. (I did manage to locate the kitchen...I knew we had one of those somewhere....& my daughters stopped by yesterday to make sure I was still alive.

I'm actually a pretty good "Fender" but just wondered if anyone had any tips on successful "Baching?"

For example
...What the hell's the point of making the bed?.....I'm just gonna get back into it tonight!
...Why do the dishes?....I can just rinse off the stuff the next time I use it.
...Why heat the upstairs?....I'm down here with the dog most of the time anyway with the coal stove cranking. (that keeps the upstairs pretty warm anyway even with a low fire)
....What is the "proper" amount of porno to watch?
...How often does a proper bach shave?

**jackalope** · 13th February 2012 08:17 AM

Originally Posted by Devil505

My wife went to Florida for 2 weeks last Thursday to help her 87 year old mother who has a bad heart.
I'm therefore "Fending" here for 2 weeks by myself. (I did manage to locate the kitchen...I knew we had one of those somewhere....& my daughters stopped by yesterday to make sure I was still alive.

I'm actually a pretty good "Fender" but just wondered if anyone had any tips on successful "Baching?"

For example
...What the hell's the point of making the bed?.....I'm just gonna get back into it tonight!
...Why do the dishes?....I can just rinse off the stuff the next time I use it.
...Why heat the upstairs?....I'm down here with the dog most of the time anyway with the coal stove cranking. (that keeps the upstairs pretty warm anyway even with a low fire)
....What is the "proper" amount of porno to watch?
...How often does a proper bach shave?

Bed making: So you sleep on clean sheets, and not a fuzzy bed (if you have animals), or on unfresh smelling/feeling sheets (if you do OR don't have animals! have you ever vacuumed - yea that shit gets everywhere, EVEN in your sheets, so, pull up the dang covers!)

Dishes: cuz, uh, BACTERIA! they multiply, and the longer you wait to wash, the more you have. And guess what, they don't STAY on dishes. Yuck. Plus, dried on food is harder to clean, and will cost you more money in soap and water and more elbow grease, too

.

Heat: point. You win.

Porno: You be the judge.

Shave: At least before your wife gets back

.

**Babba** · 13th February 2012 08:27 AM

Originally Posted by jackalope

Bed making: So you sleep on clean sheets, and not a fuzzy bed (if you have animals), or on unfresh smelling/feeling sheets (if you do OR don't have animals! have you ever vacuumed - yea that shit gets everywhere, EVEN in your sheets, so, pull up the dang covers!)

Dishes: cuz, uh, BACTERIA! they multiply, and the longer you wait to wash, the more you have. And guess what, they don't STAY on dishes. Yuck. Plus, dried on food is harder to clean, and will cost you more money in soap and water and more elbow grease, too

.

Heat: point. You win.

Porno: You be the judge.

Shave: At least before your wife gets back

.

You pretty well covered it, Jack.

You should read the book The Disappearance by Philip Wylie, Devil. You'll learn why men are a mess without women, lol.

**jackalope** · 13th February 2012 08:29 AM

Originally Posted by Babba

You pretty well covered it, Jack.

You should read the book The Disappearance by Philip Wylie, Devil. You'll learn why men are a mess without women, lol.

**johnflesh** · 13th February 2012 09:04 AM

Originally Posted by Devil505

...What the hell's the point of making the bed?.....I'm just gonna get back into it tonight!
...Why do the dishes?....I can just rinse off the stuff the next time I use it.
...Why heat the upstairs?....I'm down here with the dog most of the time anyway with the coal stove cranking. (that keeps the upstairs pretty warm anyway even with a low fire)
....What is the "proper" amount of porno to watch?
...How often does a proper bach shave?

1. Self respect.
2. Bacteria
3. Heat rises, heat the bottom floor then tear out the second floor for efficiency.
4. How much bandwidth do you have? That is the proper amount.
5. Shaving? I shave when my bosses tell me its time. Otherwise I go homeless on broadway.

**beatleboy** · 13th February 2012 09:05 AM

I know i'd be in a sorry state, can't cook a lick. I'd have to order in. Never could make a bed right, says my wife, always wrinkles in the sheets, no dishes for me, i'd use paper plates, and plastic forks and spoons. I was alone for a whole week last summer, and all went to hell without her. Appreciation for her was over the top when she returned. I love her, missed her, need her. I begged her not to leave me alone again.

**Devil505** · 13th February 2012 09:17 AM

Originally Posted by johnflesh

1. Self respect.
2. Bacteria

1.So if I don't make the bed (only to get back into it tonight) that means I don't respect myself?? ( I don't get it??....just seems like an unnecessary extra step)
2. I'll buy the bacteria bit but paper plates sound like the way to go!

**johnflesh** · 13th February 2012 09:20 AM

Originally Posted by Devil505

1.So if I don't make the bed (only to get back into it tonight) that means I don't respect myself?? ( I don't get it??....just seems like an unnecessary extra step)

That is usually the first sign of having no self respect. (I'm kidding btw)

2. I'll buy the bacteria bit but paper plates sound like the way to go!

Yeah that isn't a bad idea, but how do you know it hasn't been handled by a machine that just came back from a 6 day sick leave? Eh? EH!?

13th February 2012 10:14 AM

Originally Posted by Devil505

2. I'll buy the bacteria bit but paper plates sound like the way to go!

Sometimes a paper plate just won't work. You need a real plate.

What is going to happen if you put a steak or some mac & cheese or some sphaghetti on a paper plate? It is going to get all soggy and fall apart.

So you might need to clean some dishes. Look under the sink and you will probably find a partially full bottle of liquid dishwashing detergent. Unscrew the cap and fill it up with hot water and then look on top of the sink. You will probably find one of those sponges with a green scrubby pad on one side. Take that thing and shove it halfway into bottle and use that to clean your dishes the fast & easy way.

**Devil505** · 13th February 2012 10:42 AM

Originally Posted by Hairball

So you might need to clean some dishes. Look under the sink and you will probably find a partially full bottle of liquid dishwashing detergent. Unscrew the cap and fill it up with hot water and then look on top of the sink. You will probably find one of those sponges with a green scrubby pad on one side. Take that thing and shove it halfway into bottle and use that to clean your dishes the fast & easy way.

Slow down dammit!!
I'm writing this stuff down as fast as I can!