Another one from Cracked...

http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-top-...ailures-finale

2. Martik Manoukian
American Idol
Sometimes when a woman eats too many thermometers during pregnancy, Mother Nature decides to try a few new things out. Martik "X-Centric" Manoukian is one of them.
If you ask the right person, X-Centric is the most exciting half-panther performer the world has ever seen. He is also very fiery. So much so that he has "fire equaling three men." I'm not sure, but I think "fire" is Armenian for "overdose of mood regulators."
For his audition, X-Centric goes through a very typical werepanther preparation process. Keep in mind all of this is done before he says a word or begins singing.
1. He throws his Trapper Keeper. Because singing while you're holding a Trapper Keeper would just be stupid.
2. He turns his back to the judges and spreads his legs. The average Armenian Werepanther has hearing far greater than ours, so singing the wrong direction is considered polite.
3. Oops, he actually meant to stand the other way, so let him turn around and then spread his legs again.
4. X-Centric removes his sunglasses and flings them! Nearby, an American Idol production assistant is found dead, a smear of paste in the center of a sunglasses-shaped impact crater. They'd ask for a moment of silence, but through a lucky turn of events, most of X-Centric's performance is already a moment of silence.
5. X-Centric begins the twenty minute process of removing his vest and shirt. During this part of the performance, ladies who like boy-shaped playdough will want to set their X-Centric brand vibrators to FULL.
6. He crawls towards the judges making cat sounds. It's exactly how I imagine my parents doing foreplay when I'm trying to dislodge a scream from my throat.
7. He stands and lumbers back to his starting position. I think he forgot something. Armenian Werepanthers are often confused when performing near multiple food sources.
8. Oh, I see, it looks like he forgot to dance first. A real treat, he performs a traditional Armenian Werepanther dance of three seconds of full body wiggle, meerkat, meerkat, and super spin. During the super spin, the fake microphone he had in his back pocket flies out, almost certainly because he meant it to. NOW, he struts up the judges to shirtlessly whisper "X-Centric!" Lady viewers, remove your X-Centric brand vibrators and, as quickly as possible, sit in your bucket of X-Centric brand cooling gel before serious injury occurs.
9. Singing! When X-Centric finally sings his original X-Centric song, it's sort of a rap battle between a baby and its multiple personalities. If the baby had asthma and sang like a little bitch. Ultimate face!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApyCGwajKiQ