Thread: Got jokes?

Dear Tide,

My name is Agnes and I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all through my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I'm in my 50s, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse.

My inconsiderate & uncaring husband started to berate me about how stupid and clumsy I was, and in general started being a pain in the neck. One thing led to another & somehow I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out.

After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, & to my surprise & satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well that the detective who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative. Then my attorney called & said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief!

Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such a great product. Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people, another wonderful product.

How many forum members does it takes to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

What's an Italian?

A Puerto Rican with a job.

Badaboom!

A Male and Female whale were swimming around the Pacific Ocean when the male whale saw a whaling ship. He told the female whale that the ship was the one that killed his pappy. He then convinced the female whale to use her blow hole to swim under the ship with him and use it to tip the ship over. When that was completed the male whale asked if she wanted to go eat the sailors of the ship who were trying to swim away. When he noticed her hesitate, he asked why she didn't want to go. She said, "I didn't have a problem with the blow job, but I'm not swallowing the seamen!"

Q: Whay are turds tapered?
A: So your asshole doesn't slap shut.

Originally Posted by steezer

A Male and Female whale were swimming around the Pacific Ocean when the male whale saw a whaling ship. He told the female whale that the ship was the one that killed his pappy. He then convinced the female whale to use her blow hole to swim under the ship with him and use it to tip the ship over. When that was completed the male whale asked if she wanted to go eat the sailors of the ship who were trying to swim away. When he noticed her hesitate, he asked why she didn't want to go. She said, "I didn't have a problem with the blow job, but I'm not swallowing the seamen!"

ok, that one is funny!