Regret

**Babylon** · 20th January 2010 06:36 PM

My former best friend died a couple weeks ago at age 31. While we haven't spoke in 6 years and stopped being friends 8 years ago, I haven't been able to shake the emptiness(??) since I first heard of his passing. We "grew apart" as friends, yet I cannot give one reason why, and am now left hanging onto a big bag of Regret. I've been through some heavy shit in my life and have lost loved ones along the way like everyone else, but there's just something about losing the ONE person you know who really knows Who you Were. And I think that's what the bitch of this is, he knew who I was, I guess in a sense he validates a former me..? I don't know what I'm saying, just trying to put this together and i have no idea why I'm doing it here but..

Anybody know the regret I'm feeling right now..?

**Heel31ok** · 20th January 2010 06:58 PM

[quote name='Babylon' date='20 January 2010 - 08:36 PM' timestamp='1264037811' post='102356']

My former best friend died a couple weeks ago at age 31. While we haven't spoke in 6 years and stopped being friends 8 years ago, I haven't been able to shake the emptiness(??) since I first heard of his passing. We "grew apart" as friends, yet I cannot give one reason why, and am now left hanging onto a big bag of Regret. I've been through some heavy shit in my life and have lost loved ones along the way like everyone else, but there's just something about losing the ONE person you know who really knows Who you Were. And I think that's what the bitch of this is, he knew who I was, I guess in a sense he validates a former me..? I don't know what I'm saying, just trying to put this together and i have no idea why I'm doing it here but..

Anybody know the regret I'm feeling right now..?

[/quote]

Yes I do , and it is called grieving. If he knew who you were then there is nothing to regret as that is the closest someone can get to another person. That can be seen as an accomplishment, while many of our present relationships are still not to that point.

you will go through the process and when you come out of it the emptiness will fall away and you will be oK.

**Babylon** · 20th January 2010 07:08 PM

[quote name='Heel31ok' date='20 January 2010 - 08:58 PM' timestamp='1264039127' post='102373']

Yes I do , and it is called grieving. If he knew who you were then there is nothing to regret as that is the closest someone can get to another person. That can be seen as an accomplishment, while many of our present relationships are still not to that point.

you will go through the process and when you come out of it the emptiness will fall away and you will be oK.

[/quote]

I guess I've never grieved for somebody who was this personal to me. Meeting his children for the first time at his funeral is something I cannot get out of my head. The grieving will go away, but it's weird how I don't want to stop thinking of him every day..

**Heel31ok** · 20th January 2010 07:12 PM

[quote name='Babylon' date='20 January 2010 - 09:08 PM' timestamp='1264039710' post='102382']

I guess I've never grieved for somebody who was this personal to me. Meeting his children for the first time at his funeral is something I cannot get out of my head. The grieving will go away, but it's weird how I don't want to stop thinking of him every day..

[/quote]

Yes I know, I went through this same thing last year. my wife thought I was crazy , I was very sad and overwhelmed for several weeks but it got better and I still miss them but I do not feel that crushed and alone feeling now.

**justonemorevoice** · 20th January 2010 07:23 PM

aww babs, im so sorry. its hard, i know. a dear friend of mine died new years day in a boating accident. this is just one of those time things. if we lived our lives in constant regret mode we wouldnt be able to function at all, you know?

**boontito** · 20th January 2010 08:03 PM

[quote name='Babylon' date='20 January 2010 - 05:36 PM' timestamp='1264037811' post='102356']

My former best friend died a couple weeks ago at age 31. While we haven't spoke in 6 years and stopped being friends 8 years ago, I haven't been able to shake the emptiness(??) since I first heard of his passing. We "grew apart" as friends, yet I cannot give one reason why, and am now left hanging onto a big bag of Regret. I've been through some heavy shit in my life and have lost loved ones along the way like everyone else, but there's just something about losing the ONE person you know who really knows Who you Were. And I think that's what the bitch of this is, he knew who I was, I guess in a sense he validates a former me..? I don't know what I'm saying, just trying to put this together and i have no idea why I'm doing it here but..

Anybody know the regret I'm feeling right now..?

[/quote]

Like many things in life, its when we feel all alone that we have the most in common with those around us. This person was a special connection you made and should be valued because of that. It wouldn't have mattered if you hadn't talked to him in six years, six days, or six decades... you would most likely still be feeling this way. We all grieve differently and this is just your mind powering through some of the heaviest crap you've ever had to deal with. You will get through it and amazingly you will be better and stronger for it. Understanding your feelings for this former best friend and seeing how much he mattered to you even though you had drifted apart may also make you more willing to purposefully or even subconsciously seek out these type of deep connections in the future too. You may have discovered their true value.

Grieving and regret are normal, let the process flow and everything will eventually be okay. And remember that after going through something like this, its okay to see some things differently. Its okay to be changed by it.

**HenryPorter** · 20th January 2010 08:07 PM

Sorry about your friend. My best friend from high school died about 5 years ago. He was a wonderful smart guy that slid into mental illness just a few years out of high school. Then spent the remainder of his life in mental institutions or group homes. He had paranoid schizophrenia and unmedicated his flight of ideas/word associations were disabling. Medicated he just couldn't function. Very sad for a person who had the ability to want to be an architect. I moved away but would "sneak" back into my home town and visit him quietly in the various institutions where he was placed. I say sneaked because I wouldn't contact any other old friends, just him. Sometimes all I could do was sit with him as he flew off to his different places at 100 miles a minute. When he was medicated we could talk but he would be really depressed. My travels back home only happed every other year or so, that was the limit of our contact. Why is this relevant, I don't know but I guess I understand your regret without being able to explain it. Anyway Randy died 5 years ago. His brother didn't know how to contact me so I missed his funeral. I didn't do anything wrong just when I left home I just started a new life and Randy was the only link I wanted in the old one. I still miss him. I still grieve but I grieve for the life he never got to experience too. I'm not incapacitate with his death but I wish his life had been better, which sounds like regret to me. For me feeling this is better than not feeling it. If that makes sense.

**boontito** · 20th January 2010 08:23 PM

[quote name='2lane' date='20 January 2010 - 07:07 PM' timestamp='1264043231' post='102425']For me feeling this is better than not feeling it. If that makes sense.

[/quote]

Excellent point and something to focus on when going through times like this.

**freecell** · 20th January 2010 08:33 PM

[quote name='Babylon' date='21 January 2010 - 01:36 AM' timestamp='1264037811' post='102356']

My former best friend died a couple weeks ago at age 31. While we haven't spoke in 6 years and stopped being friends 8 years ago, I haven't been able to shake the emptiness(??) since I first heard of his passing. We "grew apart" as friends, yet I cannot give one reason why, and am now left hanging onto a big bag of Regret. I've been through some heavy shit in my life and have lost loved ones along the way like everyone else, but there's just something about losing the ONE person you know who really knows Who you Were. And I think that's what the bitch of this is, he knew who I was, I guess in a sense he validates a former me..? I don't know what I'm saying, just trying to put this together and i have no idea why I'm doing it here but..

Anybody know the regret I'm feeling right now..?

[/quote]

First forgive me my word is messing up so if I have a typo, well. I don't know how you feel. I do know a young man that never got letters to his prison cell because I didn't know where he was. Why, they said he was moved. My cousin (the oldest) a person much like me. He is most famous for breaking out of prison. Regret I have and know all about. An ex-FBI agent and a person who as I knew him was a good man. When I tried to look him up he had died in prison. I to this day have not gotten over it.

**HenryPorter** · 20th January 2010 10:46 PM

[quote name='freecell' date='20 January 2010 - 10:33 PM' timestamp='1264044839' post='102446']

First forgive me my word is messing up so if I have a typo, well. I don't know how you feel. I do know a young man that never got letters to his prison cell because I didn't know where he was. Why, they said he was moved. My cousin (the oldest) a person much like me. He is most famous for breaking out of prison. Regret I have and know all about. An ex-FBI agent and a person who as I knew him was a good man. When I tried to look him up he had died in prison. I to this day have not gotten over it.

[/quote]

I think as time rolls along, not getting over it ends up being the good part.