Thread: Joke Of The Day!

Never Choke in a restaurant in the deep South....

Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whisky, they talk
about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to
cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real
distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?' < BR>
The woman shakes her head no.
Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her
drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The
woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies
out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly
back to the bar.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver'
but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

A guy wants boiled eggs for his tuna salad so he sticks one egg in the boiling water. 20 mins. later he notices the egg isnt hard and asks it "why arent you hard yet?" and the egg said "I can't get hard! I just got laid last night!"

I'm not sure which one was worse.

I was under the impression that a joke was meant to invoke an amused response. Perhaps I was wrong.

oh yeah like you guys are hilarious! beside think for myself's balding

This guy unexpectedly got the day off and decided he would
spend it on the golf course. After arriving at the club house,
he was told that the only way he could play today was if he
was willing to play along with three nuns.
He agreed and set off with the nuns in tow. At the first hole
he said, after you, and the nuns insisted that he go first.
He took a giant swing and sliced it into a nearby bunker.
"Goddammit!" he said.
"Oh, my, please refrain from using that kind of language
around us." said the nun.
"I'm so sorry, ma'am, it won't happen again."
The nun gets up to the tee and her ball travels about twenty
yards, hits a tree, and bounces back behind them.
"Well shit, Goddamn, hell, fuck!" exclaims the nun.
"Hey, what did you tell me about that?" asks the man.
"Yeah, well, you didn't hit a fuckin' tree."

Originally Posted by Deanocrat

oh yeah like you guys are hilarious! beside think for myself's balding

I am done balding and I am now bald.

Originally Posted by Sparta

This guy unexpectedly got the day off and decided he would
spend it on the golf course. After arriving at the club house,
he was told that the only way he could play today was if he
was willing to play along with three nuns.
He agreed and set off with the nuns in tow. At the first hole
he said, after you, and the nuns insisted that he go first.
He took a giant swing and sliced it into a nearby bunker.
"Goddammit!" he said.
"Oh, my, please refrain from using that kind of language
around us." said the nun.
"I'm so sorry, ma'am, it won't happen again."
The nun gets up to the tee and her ball travels about twenty
yards, hits a tree, and bounces back behind them.
"Well shit, Goddamn, hell, fuck!" exclaims the nun.
"Hey, what did you tell me about that?" asks the man.
"Yeah, well, you didn't hit a fuckin' tree."

And you thought that mine was bad?

I heard they're gonna build a wall like 12 feet tall to keep the Mexicans from coming back after they deport them.................well?...............who's gonna build the mother fucker.

There was a hippie and a St. Bernard hitchhiking

Finally a limo pulls over and tells the hippie to get in but the dog has to stay

The hippie said, fine he will just run along side of the car

The rich guy says ya sure, get in

The limo starts up the on ramp, the rich guy says "wheres the dog hippie"

The hippie looks out the window and said he is right here doing fine

The limo hits the freeway and about 65mph, the rich guy says now there is the dog hippie

The hippie looks out the window and says that the dog is by the front tire, the hippie said the dog may want to race the limo

The rich guy get a little red in the face, then brings the limo up too 100mph, he looks over toward the hippie and says "OK hippie now where is the dog"

The hippie looks out the window and said right here..screeetch the rich guy stopped the limo on a dime, gets out, runs over and sure enough there is the St. Bernard panting and drooling puddles

The rich guy looks at the hippie and says "thats a fast dog there hippie, never seen anything like it in my life, BTW whats the purple ring around his nose

The hippie looks up and says "I think thats his asshole, he is not used to stopping so quick"