Thread: Adult story time with JL

Tell us your most embarrassing and funny sex story. I'll start:


I was 22 and she was 20. It was January 1982 (in Massachusetts) and we took my 75 plymouth valiant down to the lake to watch the submarine races. Well, one thing lead to another and pretty soon we were going at it hot and heavy.

Now anyone who has ever driven in the Plymouth Valiant or the Dodge Dart knows that the heater control ONLY has two settings: Roast or Freeze. So while we were "heing and sheing" we had the car running and the window open about eight inches. It was the only way we could be comfortable.

Well about this time Sargeant Donovan (Red as we used to call him) came rolling up on my car with his partner Officer Dooley and saw the Valiant rocking like it was parked in San Francisco during the earthquake of 1906. The officers walked up to my car, and realizing what was going on decided to have some fun. Dooley, the sadistic bastahd that he was decided we were having a little too much fun, so he reached into my car and proceeded to rest his flashlight across my exposed fundament.

Remember now, this is a steel cased flashlight that has now been outside in the cold for at least five to ten minutes. By cold I mean arctic cold, you know, like minus five degrees? I'm sure that you can guess the inevitable result when extremely cold steel is placed upon the unsuspecting ass of a young man who is busy with other things? Needless to say, every action has an equal and opposite reaction and figuring that remaining in contact with that REALLY COLD steel sensation was NOT an option, and seeing as how a significant part of my anatomy was encumbered (and thus not easily and gracefully relocated) I moved in the only direction readily and easily available to me... quickly and forcefully. Well, Melissa confused the desire to escape from the cold flashlight for an increase in enthusiasm and passion. So she (of course) responds in kind. Now there I was, distracted and all, (to put it mildly) trying to let her know something wasn't right. About this time Dooley taps on the car and says "'scuse me folks... are you all fucking?"

It is at this point that Melissa, a woman of considerable intelligence and not inconsiderable feminine charms, came to the realization that we had an audience and were no longer alone. It was also at this point in time that she realized that neither of us was exactly in our full and unrumpled attire. So, doing what came naturally in this type of a situation, she let out a shreik you could have heard from Providence, Rhode Island all the way to the Canadian border!

As I was saying, this situation occurred in a 75 Plymouth Valiant, and it's not one of the larger domestic vehicles around. Given that fact, and seeing as how neither of us had given a whole lot of thought to the need to recover our clothing quickly, should we need to do so, we had been a tad "careless" in the placement and distribution of serveral critical items of clothing, the objective (at the time) being getting the clothing out of the way so that we could do what we were caught doing. So there Melissa was, mostly naked, and seizing my right shoulder in her left handed falcon kung fu death grip she said "don't you dare move!" Melissa then started searching for some clothing, which was to be found in some VERY interesting and obvious places (including her bra hanging from the rear view mirror).

Now picture my plight. I couldn't move because I had Melissa, (pretty much naked), beneath me and it would expose her to the view of the officers. I also couldn't stay as I was because my naked, and vulnerable, ass was literally hanging out for all the world to see. Meanwhile "Red" is laughing his ass off in the background.

Finally "Red" took pity on us and called Dooley off, long enough for us to find most of our clothes and to get dressed. I was issued a ticket for trespassing and improper use of a "public parking facility."

It was in the fall of '92, my ex-girlfriend and I started seeing each other again after previously living together. We worked at the same company; after work we were feeling a little randy so we took her car to a supposedly abandoned place of the company where there were two abandoned buildings.

I opened the double-gated fenced-in area where a couple of dumpsters would usually go and did an incredible parking job by putting the car exactly into the space inside. Then closed the gates from inside and we got busy....

Minutes later, after we were both naked and going at it, trucks start pulling up to the back of the building. At least 7 workers got out and one guy noticed that there seemed to be something in the dumpster area that didn't look like a dumpster. He walks over and peers through the gate and watches the show for a few minutes before calling to the other guys. I guess they weren't interested in seeing two beautiful people sexing it up, so they all left us alone.

It was cool because we had the windows down and the cross breeze blowing through the car felt so stimulating.....


Good times....good times.....

Most embarassing? I was nearly caught getting head in a cinema. Thats about it.

Originally Posted by Ausinus

Most embarassing? I was nearly caught getting head in a cinema. Thats about it.

They had to swallow the evidence, huh?

Originally Posted by Common Sense Craig

They had to swallow the evidence, huh?

You betcha