Warning: The most gross thread you'll ever read.

[Oberdan]

You ever have one of those days when you know that something gross will eventually happen? Not if, but when?

That happened to me today, and the truly sad part, my own personal hardiness to anything gross actually happened to me over the last 7 years.

I'm going to share it here, because one, I'm miserable and misery loves company. Two, as a male, it's in the genes to make people, especially pretty women, go "Eeeeewwwww!" Something about a pretty woman making the ewww sound is very cool. I think it touches upon the instinct to want to comfort the women who say that. Not sure though.

Ok, today, I noticed something odd when I was gargling and brushing my tongue so my dragon breath doesn't murder people around me. I have a zit close to the tip of my tongue, on one side.

I haven't had pimples since I was a teenager. To see it was a surprise, and it was close enough to the surface to see the white puss packet, but not close enough to actually bust yet.

Then it hit me. Pretty soon, I'm going to know what puss tastes like. That entry will join a list of things no human should ever get to taste, and in the last 7 unfortunate years of my surgeries and hospitalizations for complications, I got a pretty nasty list.

But the list started a long time ago. I am lucky to have a right hand. I was mixing a chemical compound and some fucktard didn't clean the stirring rod like they are supposed too before leaving their shift. I was working in complete darkness, the stuff I was mixing would ignite in light. I used infra red binocs to see. My right hand went up in a bang, there had been no way for me to know the stir rod was contaminated with a catalyst. On the way to the hosptal, my whole right hand was.. cooked. Upon inspiration that should not have come, I licked a small amount of my own cooked meat. Does not taste like chicken, is all I can say. This was 15 years ago.

7 years ago, the list was restarted involuntarily. I was given too much morphine. Not enough to be fatal, but enough to mess up my bodily functions. My bladder stopped working and 14 hours later in the hospital, I started to vomit my own backed up to my stomach piss. Slightly salty and hot, like a weak german beer they serve warm in winter. Eventually I went back to normal, but I got an hourly reminder of what piss tasted like for almost half a day.

The complications made sure I bled from my sinuses for 4 months after that. Down the back of my throat and out my nose, I coughed blood. Ok, so now I know what blood tastes like, in volume. Dracula would be proud of me. That Halloween (was close to it after surgery by a few weeks), people commented on how real the blood looked coming out of my mouth. They didn't believe me when I said it was real lol.

Eye juice. When I went blind from prednisone and had eye surgery to replace my inner lens on both eyes with a glass prosthetic (Made me partially color blind too) I was not allowed to sleep lying down for two weeks. My eyes drained while bandaged, and while awake, I could wipe it off my face. But when I fell asleep in the recliner chair, I would wake up with a soaked face, my mouth coated on the inside with dripping eye juice. Took a week for that to stop. I even accidently swallowed upon awakening a few times.

And these were just body fluids. No big deal, you know? It's yours and you won't mind so much when it's yours.

But

The list continues.

Grasshoppers are only slightly bitter. I love winning money from my teen's friends. I get double or nothing (I gotta see the cash) for adding a roach. Roaches are actually tasteless, but juicy. They live under stumps in the adjacent empty lot.

Worms are high in protein and if you eat over cooked spaghetti, you eat something grosser than living worms.

They are nothing compared to water beetles however. But water beetles are special. You don't crunch them down like most other bugs. You gotta open the bottom shell while they are on the back and slurp out the insides. The shell edges are sharp and can hurt your intestines.

So as you can see, tasting gross things like that doesn't actually bother me. If they had, it wouldn't be anymore, that's for sure.

And in a few days, when the zit on the side of my tongue gets mature and closer to the surface, I'm going to add puss to that list.

Anybody else want to share their experiences?

[Inkslinger]

You're ready for Fear Factor Ober. I can't even open a can of cat food without yacking. Cripes almighty.

[High_Voltage_123]

You have a lot of experience I doubt that a normal human being can beat that
I am not going to share my whole gross list with ya (there're several things on my list too but the top one is the grossest) - and the winner is: stomach juice - You probably think it isn't a big deal but I think it is...
Really thick yellowish fluid, bitter as hell, slowly flowing down you tongue while you’re vomiting for 3th time… not pleasant at all (Flies and cockroaches seem like a chocolate cake compared to that)

[Oberdan]

You're ready for Fear Factor Ober. I can't even open a can of cat food without yacking. Cripes almighty.

I'm kinda broke too. For 20 bucks, I'll add mayo to the cat food of your choice and make an animal sandwhich. Oh yeah, I'll eat it.

I was thinking about applying to Fear Factor when it first came out, but it sucks to be disabled. I can't bend, twist or lean over for any length of time without having spasms. Otherwise, I'd show them a thing or two. Hell, I'd dig the ear wax out of the show's announcer and eat it.

By the way, ear wax is very high in vitamin e and it comes free out of two resources right on your own head.

[Maritxu]

Eww guys haha

[Invayne]

I'm hungry....opcorn:

[Sparta]

I didn't know you could get a zit in your mouth, sure that's not somethin else?

[Invayne]

I think he had his tongue where it didn't belong....:whistling:

[blackbetty]

I think he had his tongue where it didn't belong....:whistling:

Like kissing some really nasty ho?

:jawdrop:

There has GOT to be a way for Ober to make big bucks off of his unique "talents".

[Oberdan]

Update: Got it.

Puss is bloodlike in heaviness, it's not bitter, more like a burnt butter after it's been cooled to body temperature. I give it a 6 for flavor on a scale of 1 to 10.

Since it sealed itself immediately after the bust, there will be no updates on drainage. Sorry!