Thread: Help

Help me I'm completely paranoid.

What I have been up to lately:


March 21st:

Today I completely bought out my corner-shop of tin foil. I think... THINK... that the Government is spying on me because my life is somehow of great interest to them. Whilst at the store, I noticed a shortage in the cheese section. If we don't manage to land on the moon (for real) soon, I fear this shortage may last my life. No word back from Santa Clause. Been about 4 months now.


March 30th:

Finished plastering my ceiling and doors with the foil, I proceeded to watch Enemy of the State followed by a repeating slow motion video of the 9/11 Pentagon flight with added arrows and outraged commentary. Still no word from Santa.


May 1st:

Woke up and checked my doorstep for milk pot. Guess what. Bloody Free-Masons taken my milk right? Some deal they've struck with friends in high places I assume. I hate those guys. In its place were all six million unaccounted for 1940s European Jews who had apparantly been hiding there (with all the world's riches) since the war. Holocaust? hah. LOLocaust more like. Santa taking ages to reply to my letter. Can't be long now.


May 3rd:

Fell in love with an Muslim girl today. My romance was fairly short-lived however. Looks like Mi5 have assassinated her. Damn. Had I been a Princess of the Realm, I fear that somehow they may have taken me out too. On the up-side, my house is now completely un-penetrable from Spy-satellite technology. Woot. Starting to wonder if Santa actually exists now .


May 5th:

Nearly Easter! Not that it matters. God doesn't actually exist as Dan Brown cleverly proved with his 'fictional' (YEAH RIGHT, IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED ONCE!) masterpiece 'The Davinci Code'. Anyway, it turns out Santa wasn't real after all. This guy at the tube station with greasy hair wearing a 'WTO is mean' t-shirt pointed out that it was just a marketing ploy invented by greedy Capitalists to further their own wealth. Owned!







:sarcasm:

March 21st:

Today I completely bought out my corner-shop of tin foil. I think... THINK... that the Government is spying on me because my life is somehow of great interest to them. Whilst at the store, I noticed a shortage in the cheese section. If we don't manage to land on the moon (for real) soon, I fear this shortage may last my life. No word back from Santa Clause. Been about 4 months now.

Advice: buy a cow.

March 30th:

Finished plastering my ceiling and doors with the foil, I proceeded to watch Enemy of the State followed by a repeating slow motion video of the 9/11 Pentagon flight with added arrows and outraged commentary. Still no word from Santa.

Advice: buy a building.

May 1st:

Woke up and checked my doorstep for milk pot. Guess what. Bloody Free-Masons taken my milk right? Some deal they've struck with friends in high places I assume. I hate those guys. In its place were all six million unaccounted for 1940s European Jews who had apparantly been hiding there (with all the world's riches) since the war. Holocaust? hah. LOLocaust more like. Santa taking ages to reply to my letter. Can't be long now.

Advice: how do you kill a jew? Put a penny in the middle of a traffic intersection

May 3rd:

Fell in love with an Muslim girl today. My romance was fairly short-lived however. Looks like Mi5 have assassinated her. Damn. Had I been a Princess of the Realm, I fear that somehow they may have taken me out too. On the up-side, my house is now completely un-penetrable from Spy-satellite technology. Woot. Starting to wonder if Santa actually exists now .

Advice: dance

May 5th:

Nearly Easter! Not that it matters. God doesn't actually exist as Dan Brown cleverly proved with his 'fictional' (YEAH RIGHT, IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED ONCE!) masterpiece 'The Davinci Code'. Anyway, it turns out Santa wasn't real after all. This guy at the tube station with greasy hair wearing a 'WTO is mean' t-shirt pointed out that it was just a marketing ploy invented by greedy Capitalists to further their own wealth. Owned!

Advice: i wasted 2 mintes of my life talking to your hairbrained person.

Advice: i wasted 2 mintes of my life talking to your hairbrained person.

It was just a bit of tongue-in-cheek fun. No need to get arsey about it.

Originally Posted by GeckoInf

It was just a bit of tongue-in-cheek fun. No need to get arsey about it.

Is arsey a word?

lol man, don't apoligize!
if someone insults you, you either A) ignore it, or B) insult them greater. Don't apoligize - you didn't do anything wrong.

And I suggest always going for B.

shut up wit your B, G. Don't make me come out there to sea-town and smack the keyboard off your face.

I'm wearing my keyboard on my face? If you're so smart, what kind of strap is holding it onto my head?

I didn't apologise?

Originally Posted by GeckoInf

I didn't apologise?

You did. But that other guy was saying you should NEVER apologize.